Still Here (Version 1)
by iamclem
Summary: Lee's there the entire time. Most of the time, anyway.


The gun in Clem's hand goes off and he's glad he chose to close his eyes, to not watch her sob, to not have to see the bullet racing through the air before embedding itself into his forehead. _A perfect shot_, he muses with pride just before he feels himself being tugged out of his body.

Clementine collapses onto her knees and cries, letting the gun tumble out of her shaking hands. He aches with the urge to comfort her, to give her a hug and tell her that she needs to keep moving, needs to take the keys and the gun and find her way over to wherever Christa and Omid could be. But instead he hears a voice coming from god knows where, a familiar one, too. "Come on, man. Don't you wanna see everyone else?"

His brother. Lee has a feeling about what he means by _everyone else_: their parents. Their old customers and neighbors. Maybe even his ex-wife or those from his group that had fallen.

But all he does is shake his head. "Nah, bud. I gotta make sure she's okay."

His brother goes silent and Lee can almost feel him shrug despite not being able to see him. "Alright, but come up when she's good."

Clementine makes it out of Savannah, just like he knew she would. She and Christa and Omid reunite on the countryside, in an empty field of grassy hills. They all hug and keep making their way wherever they're going, but Clementine doesn't smile, doesn't laugh, doesn't even cry anymore, not since she left the jewelry store. She keeps to herself and wraps her arms around herself tightly as they continue walking.

Lee tells her to be strong and for a second, it's like she hears him, her head tilting in the direction of where he technically _would_ be, if he were alive. And then everything around him goes black.

He finds himself in his family's old pharmacy, but it's not how it was the last time he was there, on the supply run with Kenny. It's back to its old glory - everything put back in place, no helicopter lodged through the ceiling, his father's cane back in its rightful spot - his dad's hand, of course. His parents hug him tight, his brother bumps his fist, he makes awkward talk with his old neighbors - all of them probably still thinking about the senator he killed months ago.

Clementine's parents seek him out later. Diana and Ed, two of the smartest people Lee had ever met. He remembers what Clem told him, that her mom was a doctor and her dad was an engineer, and decides that cleverness just runs in their family. Ed shakes his hand but Diana pulls him into a full-on hug, thanking him profusely and letting a few tears slip through. He just pats her back and says that he misses her, too.

Some members of his group pop in to see him sometimes as well. He pulls Carley into his arms and wonders why it took both of them dying to make it official. Katjaa thanks him for watching out for Kenny after everything while Duck runs around the shop, touching everything he finds interesting. Lee asks where Kenny is right now, still unable to believe that he got out of that alleyway alive, and Katjaa just frowns and tells him to think of her husband.

He does and suddenly he sees the man holed up in some dark place as walkers pound at the boarded up windows and doors. Kenny drinks straight from a bottle of whiskey and stares up at the ceiling, muttering something to himself before chucking the bottle right at the wall.

Katjaa pulls him back with a hand to his shoulder and shakes her head, wishing that she and Duck could be down there with him. Lee wishes the same.

* * *

He checks in on Clem a lot. Honestly, he doesn't really have anyone else to watch over; his ex-wife could be up here, or wherever they are, with him, or she could still be down in the real world, but he knows better than to cause any trouble. The last time he had seen Katjaa, she had been ecstatic, telling him about a woman who had found the restaurant Kenny had locked himself in, a nice lady named Sarita. With Katjaa and Duck looking out for Kenny, he takes it upon himself to look after Clem, Christa, and Omid.

The three of them get through the first winter since everything started fine, but with Christa's pregnancy advancing, they struggle to find supplies and a possible safe area to have the baby.

Lee feels iffy about Christa and Omid leaving Clementine alone in the bathroom, knowing that splitting up is an awful idea but unable to do anything as another girl walks in and picks up Clem's gun from the sink. He holds his breath - even though none of the dead have to breathe, it's just an instinct by now - as the girl shoos Clem out of the stall she was hiding in and searches through her backpack. He stops breathing altogether when Omid walks in and inches toward the gun, hand outstretched and just _centimeters away_-

The door slams closed and the girl fires without any warning. Omid clutches his chest and falls to the floor, breathing one final time just as Christa runs in.

Omid tries to stay, tries to fight it as he is forced out of his own body. The girl who shot him is down, Christa having shot her without even a second glance. Christa holds him in her arms, begs for him to come back, to not leave her, _Omid, no_, and Omid reaches out to grab her shoulders but ends up only grasping at air.

"Christa, fuck, fuck, I'm sorry, I don't know what to do-"

"Omid." Lee says, hoping to catch his attention. Omid whirls around and stares at him, first in shock, then confusion, then realization.

"No…"

"I'm sorry, man." He clasps the man's shoulder in sympathy. Omid shakes his head and buries his face in his hands.

Lee looks over Omid's shoulder, just in time to see Christa look up from her boyfriend's corpse and catch sight of the gun lying on the floor. When she looks up at Clementine, he winces at the look of complete betrayal on her face.

Clementine whimpers and looks away, and he hears her think, not for the first time: _I wish Lee was here_. And as always, he wishes the same.

* * *

Omid cries when the baby joins them.

Christa cries as she scrubs the blood off, hard enough to rub off skin.

Clementine helps her through all of it, her face carefully devoid of any emotion as she thinks _all my fault all my fault_. But she cries when Christa passes out later, desperately trying to choke down her sobs as she tries to keep watch.

Lee reaches out to grab her hand despite knowing that it's impossible, and though he only feels air, he swears that Clementine squeezes his hand back.

* * *

Clementine talks to him sometimes. A lot of times, actually.

It's only her and Christa now, with Omid and the baby gone in one short, painful swoop. And with Christa giving her the cold shoulder, her every moment is filled with silence, the only sounds being their footsteps as they walk from one place to the next.

She always waits until Christa is asleep and it's her turn to look out for any walkers or, god forbid, people, to speak. Clementine looks up at the sky, or at the ceiling if they managed to find a good place to spend the night, and begins whispering.

"I turned ten today, Lee. My parents would have given me a cupcake when I woke, made me a cake later and invited all my friends over to eat it in my backyard. But now they're gone. You're gone." She covers her eyes with one of her hands and sniffs. "I didn't tell you about my last birthday because…because I thought it wasn't important anymore. No one would care enough to throw me a party or make a cake or sing happy birthday. But I-I wish I told you. I wish I told Christa."

Lee clears his throat, clogged from emotion, and begins humming _happy birthday_.

Clementine sings along quietly, her voice cracking halfway through and dying out shortly after.

* * *

Time doesn't seem to exist wherever they all are. There's no reason for it to exist, either. They're all just stuck there for eternity, wandering around with old friends and old enemies and old celebrities and even old presidents. He only keeps track of how much time has gone by when he checks in on Clementine.

He spends more time than most up here do checking on the living, but he can't help it. He's afraid that if he doesn't check on Clementine often, he'll look up one day and see her right in front of him, even though this the _last_ place he wants her to be. Clementine doesn't deserve to die like all the others with him did, doesn't deserve to die at all. She's the only good thing left in her world, his old world.

Clementine grows up fast, sprouting up a couple of inches so she's not as tiny as she used to be and even gaining some muscle on her skinny - skinnier than ever - frame. But mostly he can't help but focus on the bad - Clementine's thin face, the ever-present bags under her eyes, the constant frown that had become her neutral expression.

She and Christa still don't speak often, but Lee thanks Christa every day for taking the time to teach Clementine some survival tips. Clementine cherishes these moments, still believing that Christa hates her, but not enough to leave her completely defenseless against this world. But Lee knows the truth: Christa blames Clementine, but she mostly blames herself.

They're headed to a place up north, somewhere near Michigan. Wellington, or something like that. Katjaa tells him that Kenny and Sarita are actually headed the same way. They share a smile and desperately hope for the four to meet up and try to make it together.

And then Clementine and Christa get separated.

* * *

It's only their luck that the last domesticated dog left in the world tries to kill Clementine.

Lee knows that there's probably other dogs out there, but did this one _have_ to bite Clem? Sam, Clem had called him after checking his collar, had been starving for a long while…but he had softened up to Clementine quickly in their short time together. And then she had offered him only a handful of her food and he had snapped.

Clementine slashes the dog's throat, whispering a _sorry_ that breaks Lee's heart in two, before walking back into the forest. She clutches her bloody arm and begins to cry, and Lee smells the loneliness that consumes her entire being - because apparently, afterlife vision is an all-senses sort of thing.

Walkers come close to killing her, but she's saved right in the nick of time by two guys - Luke and Pete, they introduce themselves later when the three of them are safe. Nice enough guys, Lee thinks, just as Luke notices the bite on Clem's arm and drops her on the hard forest floor.

Lee finds himself disliking Luke at that moment. But Pete, on the other hand, is a good guy and believes her, leading her back to their cabin a few minutes away.

At the cabin, Clementine meets a few more new faces and nearly gets shot by some kid with a rifle. Lee lunges at the boy before he can stop himself, and ends up reaching _through_ him, sending a small chill through the kid's body for reasons that the boy - Nick, apparently - doesn't understand.

A big black guy, well-meaning and even-tempered. His wife…not so much. She's pregnant, though, so maybe that's a good enough excuse for the way she treats Clementine like she's a threat, like she's just a danger they have to get rid of. Carlos, the doctor who can't differentiate between a dog bite and a walker bite and suggests locking Clementine in the shed.

Of course, everyone agrees. Lee sighs and shakes his head, wondering where the hell these people came from.

And of course, Clementine breaks out.

Pride rushes through him as he watches her tear open a hole in the side of the shed and crawl out, muttering to herself about the supplies she needs to find. She talks to the big guy, Alvin, and guilts him into giving her bandages (and a juicebox, in case she gets thirsty), letting her voice crack and her eyes get watery as she describes how _tired_ she is. _She's good_, Lee thinks, impressed and a little worried at how easily Clementine manipulates others. But then again, she had always had that effect on others. _Especially me._

She makes friends with the doctor's daughter and convinces the girl to give her peroxide before heading to the bathroom to find a needle. Lee peeks outside of the door and spots the pregnant woman coming down the hallway, but luckily Clementine manages to hide just as the woman walks in.

Turns out the father of her child isn't exactly who everyone thinks it is. which, well, isn't Lee _or_ Clementine's business at all. Especially Lee's, seeing he's, well, _dead_.

Clementine sneaks back into the shed, and that's when the really hard part begins. Lee leans against the wall of the shed and closes his eyes, unable to watch as she cries out and begins to cry from the pain coursing through her. But she pulls through, like she always manages to do. He brushes against her shoulder, wishing that he could give her a clap on the back, but she doesn't react, just continues to breathe in and out and in and out.

She begins to bandage her arm up, wrapping it around her stitched-up arm a few times until the rag slips from her hands and falls to the floor.

Lee senses the walker right away.

He shouts as it lunges at her, nearly taking a bite out of her leg and making her hit the floor hard. Lee can feel the adrenaline rushing through Clem's veins as she begins fighting back tougher than ever, despite the bite on her arm and the lack of food in her way-too-empty stomach.

"The rake, Clem, the rake-" he tells her, forgetting for a moment that she can't hear him, not really. But Clementine grabs the rake anyway, uses it to force the walker back onto the anchor hanging up against the wall. She grabs her hammer and smashes it into the walker's forehead, once, twice, three times, and then just once more, silencing it for good.

The door to the shed slams open as Clementine catches her breath to reveal Luke and the rest of his group, shocked and horrified at what they're seeing. Clementine yanks out her hammer and lets it slip from her fingers as they converse around her.

"I'm_ still. Not. Bitten._ I never was. And you left me out here to _die_." Clem seethes, gazing at the others with fierce eyes.

Lee blinks and then smiles slowly, knowing that Clementine is going to be alright.

* * *

Luke isn't that bad. At least, not as bad as Lee thought he was.

Carlos, he understands. His daughter reminds Lee of Clementine, before her entire world turned to hell. Hopeful. Innocent. But Lee knows, Carlos knows, even Clementine knows, that Sarah can't change like Clem did, too fast for her age. _"She would…cease to function,_" Carlos tells Clementine, and she agrees to stay away.

The kid who nearly shot Clementine apologizes, awkwardly and a bit reluctantly. Clementine forgives him, her heart still soft even after all that just happened between them. And Lee knows that Clementine understands this Nick guy, who apparently had to shoot his own mom when she got bitten.

There isn't a day - though Lee's slowly losing track of the days, to be honest - that goes by where he doesn't regret telling Clementine to shoot him before he turned. It was too big of a burden to place on someone so young, still so innocent, now so _alone_ and broken. And he remembers her face after she pulled the trigger, how she completely broke down and had to force herself to stand up on shaky legs and leave him behind. _I'm sorry, Clem._

She ends up telling Luke about her past, about him. The man brought her some food and sat across from her at the dinner table, his smile open and a bit guilty from the events of earlier that day. Clementine tells him mostly everything. Everything that really mattered in the end, anyway.

"His name was Lee. He taught me how to survive." The corner of her mouth turns up tightly. "He's the reason I keep my hair short."

He smiles and feels himself begin to pull out from her world, back into his own little afterlife.

_"What, uh, happened to him?"_

_"I killed him."_

* * *

She speaks to him even after finding this new group. He doesn't have to enter her world to hear her; the words float around him as he lounges around on the couch with Carley, as he asks Omid about Christa's whereabouts, as he reluctantly plays a game of detectives with Duck.

Their relationship is…strange. His and Clem's, that is. It should be impossible, but sometimes, it's almost as if she catches the signs he gives her, feels his presence whenever he visits and visibly appears stronger, more confident. She speaks to him, most often at night when the others are asleep and she's the only one around. They have her on watch right now, four days on the run from their crazed former leader having softened their opinions of her enough to trust her to watch over them at their most defenseless.

Clementine makes sure everyone is unconscious before resting her hammer in her lap and looking up at the starry sky as she begins to whisper.

"Hi, Lee. It's me. I, uh…" She shrugs. "I think I'm part of the group now. I'm not really sure what they all think of me, though. Rebecca apologized and said she was being a jerk because of the baby, which makes sense because Christa-" she cuts herself off and closes her eyes, trying to shake off the painful memories.

"And Nick, well, he saved me. After Pete…after the river, we got trapped in this little shed and he punched a walker _in the face_ for me to get away! He reminds me of Ben a little, you know? Except he's way braver. He just doesn't realize it.

Carlos…he's weird. He told me to stay away from Sarah but now he doesn't really care. I guess I'm not as much of a threat as he thought I was. Sarah's really nice, but she just makes me remember how I'm not really a kid anymore. She always makes me play these little kid games and it sucks that I find them _boring_ now when they should be fun.

And Alvin and Luke are both good guys. Alvin's gonna be a great dad…even though he's probably not even the real dad, but whatever. I'm probably the closest with Luke, though. Maybe it's because…well. Nick had Pete, Rebecca has Alvin, and Sarah has her dad. But Luke and I, we kind of have no one, since his parents died, too.

I just miss everyone in our old group. Christa, Omid, Kenny, Lilly, Carley, Duck, Katjaa, Ben, Chuck… you." Clementine wipes at her eyes and stops speaking as she hears rustling from Luke's sleeping bag. She holds her breath until Luke goes still again. "I don't know. I wish you were here. You and mom and dad and Omid."

_I _am_ here_, Lee thinks as Clementine clutches at her hammer, pursing her lips and trying to get a hold of her emotions. She shouldn't have to put a mask on, shouldn't have to hide what she feels to survive. But in the world she lives in, the world he left behind, she has to.

* * *

"They're getting closer." Katjaa tells him later.

"Shit. Forreal?" Lee asks, shocked. Apparently, Kenny and Sarita were still headed up north to Wellington. Clementine and Christa had been split up, but Clem was still headed in the right direction - and apparently, according to Omid, so was Christa.

Katjaa nods and smiles, wider than Lee has ever seen before. "He's staying at this ski lodge-"

"It's sooooo cool, they have a Christmas tree with lights and everything!" Duck cuts in excitedly.

"-that Clem and the others should be arriving at…"

"Right now?" Lee guesses before allowing himself to seep back into the concrete world.

Clem climbs up a tall, tall ladder while Luke hovers beneath her on the ground and tries to distract her by telling her a story about his past. Lee watches nervously as she continues to climb, gasping as she slips and lifting up off his feet in concern.

She gets both of her feet back on the rungs of the ladder and looks down, raising a judging eyebrow at her friend below. "You look like an idiot."

Luke puts his arms down, embarrassed. "Just climb the thing!"

Clementine does so, and when she finally reaches the top, she peers through her binoculars and spots lights in the distance. _Shit_, Lee thinks. That man that the group was on the run from must be catching up fast…and now with Kenny in the mix, both he and Clem would be stuck in this mess.

She climbs down the ladder upon seeing Luke run towards the lodge, following behind him at a slower pace. Clem pushes through the crowd, freezing as she catches sight of the man from the other group aiming his gun at her new acquaintances.

_"Holy shit."_

* * *

**(Author's Note: **I wrote this a while ago, but I thought with episode 5 just around the corner, it would be a good time to post this! The next part will be out after I've recovered from episode 5! This was inspired by "bad karma's a bitch" by MikeTWDG, which I highly recommend. Thanks for reading!)


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